Finally 50

Went to Spoon today after work not really expecting much in terms of my snatch and 4/8s. First two sets at 35kg felt wobbly and quite inflexible. It takes me quite a few warm-up sets to feel really comfortable sitting at the bottom of the snatch. I worked in with Christina while she did her snatches and cleans. After one set of triples at 40, Richard told me to go to 45. I had planned to do two sets at 40 but figured coach knows best. Admittedly, I started feeling insecure about it because I was nearing my PR I set two Sundays ago--46kg. I just went and did my best at 45, and I guess I did them so well that Richard decided to "reward" me and put on 2.5s. So I started getting really nervous about snatching 50 because a) that'd be a 4kg PR and b) it would be for triples. I got two "good" reps in at 46 the last time, so I felt doubt nudging me. Christina told me I could do it, so I chalked up and made the first attempt, but it was quite ugly (power instead of full movement). So I did it again and still did a power snatch because I was too afraid to relax my hips so I could sit at the bottom. Jose gave me great advice for my third rep, and I nailed it and sat easily at the bottom. I wished I'd videoed that rep!!!!! Anyway, that's a really nice PR for me, and I'm going to make 55 either my second or third attempt at the competition next month. It's so close!!! I squatted my 4/8s with 75 for two sets, just to warm up mentally as well as physically, and then Richard made me go to 80. I must say I felt a lot stronger and more confident finally at that weight. Last time I used it, I tweaked my calf awfully and had to put up with it for several weeks. I'm loving the PRs I'm getting, but I don't want to lose focus for the meet. I'm not going in to it thinking about winning my weight class. I would like to PR and have new percentages to train with for the next meet. Perhaps that's not the right attitude to have, but I've missed too many sessions to feel confident/capable of beating Christina. She has 75kg on clean easily, and I'm almost there to 68. I'm thinking we'll be closer on snatch, but we'll see.